Sunday, February 7, 2010

AWKWARD INTRODUCTIONS

February 7, 2010
LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): Try to reach out to someone new today. It almost doesn't matter who it is, as long as you're expressing something real and they are in a position to take it all in. Things are on the mend!

Laura’s Log:
Typical Tamara. She called at 9 a.m. after ignoring me all week and wanted to know if I’d join Andy and her for brunch at 11. She didn’t pose it as a question. It was more like an ultimatum: You’re having lunch with me and my boyfriend or we really aren’t friends, are we? Typical me. I said sure. Dr. Phil would have a field day with me, spewing country-fried expressions every which way. I’ve known Tamara since I was four. Our relationship is as entrenched as with my sisters, perhaps more. At least she doesn’t (physically) bite anymore.

Typical Tamara. I arrived at Café Zen at 10:58 and stood in the already long line that wound onto the sidewalk. At least it was a decent morning. I didn’t have to strain to eavesdrop as the Kits locals in line loudly made their Super Bowl predictions (Who really cares?!), complained that “Avatar” didn’t have a story (But you still shelled out your money, didn’t you?!) and whined about road closures for the Olympics (Have you EVER tried a bus?!)

I get cranky when I’m hungry and when I have to wait in line on my own.

Tamara and Andy showed up at 11:21, apologizing and sounding out of breath—but not out of breath enough to refrain from smooching as soon as they settled beside me in line. Tongue and all. Going kiss-free in the three-minute walk from the car must have been painful.

I was ready to dislike Andy. And yet, he was charming. Cute in a bespectacled, grey sweater vest, geeky way. A little too much talk about his tech job. (Should have stopped at one sentence instead of two.) I haven’t had a chance to ask Tamara yet, given the fact she abandoned me for the first month of their relationship and then gave me the cold shoulder for the past week, but I’ve got a hunch they’ve already professed their love for one another. They exchanged saliva a dozen times over brunch and even spoon-fed each other their bennies and pancakes to ensure they deserved the Too Much Sharing award for the day.

Andy’s a keeper. I am happy for Tamara. I’m just a little sensitive over my perpetually single status at the moment. (Doesn’t help when I sit alone on one side of a four-top and face Couple Gaga. Should not have watched “The Truth about Cats and Dogs” last night. I was SO relating to Janeane Garafalo until the end when she got the adorable guy with the reel-’em-in accent. Yep, happy for Tamara, happy for fictional Janeane character. So why do I turn it all on me and ask myself the unanswerable: “What happened?”


KEN’S JOURNAL (via BlackBerry):
SUPER BOWL! GOING W/THE SAINTS. LET ‘EM WIN ONE. IS IT JUST ME OR DOES IT SEEM WEIRD THAT THESE BUTCH GUYS GRIND IT OUT IN HOPES OF GETTING A RING? SHOULDN’T THAT BE MORE THE TERRITORY OF CAMERON DIAZ & JULIA ROBERTS IN “MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING”? YEAH, I KNOW…IF I’M SO BUTCH I SHOULDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MOVIE. IT WAS CLARA’S FAVORITE. I OBEDIENTLY WATCHED AND, YEAH, I WAS SMART ENOUGH TO SAY I LIKED IT. THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN HAVING TO WATCHING CAMERON & JULIA FOR 90 MINUTES.

IN TRUTH, I’M NOT MUCH OF AN NFL FAN. CFL? A LITTLE. GIMME HOCKEY ANY DAY OVER FOOTBALL. MARTY’S HOSTING A BOWL PARTY AS USUAL. HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT EITHER. JUST LIKES AN EXCUSE TO GET A KEG. ALREADY KNOW I’M GONNA BE STUCK TALKING W/HIS NEW GAY NEIGHBORS. HE TOLD THEM I HAD A PORCELAIN DOLL COLLECTION & THAT I WATCH MOVIES LIKE, WELL, “MY BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING”. WHAT THE HELL? WISTERIA LANE’S GOT A GAY COUPLE; I CAN HAVE ONE, TOO. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. I (SOMETIMES) WATCH “DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES”. ANOTHER ADMISSION I SHOULD HAVE SUPPRESSED.

NOW, GO SAINTS!

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