YOU CAN’T CHOOSE YOUR COWORKERS…OR CAN YOU?

February 26, 2010
LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): You are naturally social -- though that doesn't mean you see yourself as a natural leader. Still, today you rise to the challenge and end up surprising a lot of people, including yourself.

Laura’s Log:
Just got word from the temp agency that today is my last day at Deer Lake Auto Shop. Feel like singing “Hallelujah” (more the forgettable, first-person-kicked-off-“American Idol” version than the supreme kd lang version, but still…). Delores should be back Monday, barring another trip to the curling rink. Mindy with the temp agency was booking me for a stint at a funeral home—keep me clear of the crematorium and I’m fine (I think)—and was surprised Sergi had not told me yet. That makes one of us.

I continued to be a nonentity at the auto shop and, since hell had apparently frozen over, I decided it was time to defrost the environment. I’d done all the tasks I could decipher on the lists thrust on my desk whenever I turned away and I decided to harass Sergi about the chicken scratch that continued to confound me. Don’t ever accuse me of riding the time clock. If I’m at work, the last thing I want to do is start updating my Facebook page or surfing for earsplitting first week “Idol” performances on YouTube.

“Sergi!” He set his coffee cup down and shuffled to the storage room. I followed. Drawing my heretofore unknown inner Rocky Balboa, I hollered, “Yo! Sergi!” He bolted out the back door and I chased him down the alley. As Sergi is 6’4” and 280, it was ridiculous for me to yell, “Don’t make me tackle you!” but absurdity seemed to be the norm at Deer Lake Auto Shop. To my surprise, he stopped and held his hands up as if to say, Don’t shoot!

Turns out he wasn’t so much afraid of me as of his wife. The Great Ice War had been mere subterfuge. Apparently, Tatiana, who worked the cash register, felt he was a little too excited during some Monday night lovemaking and she accused him of fantasizing about me. “You’re beautiful,” he noted. (That’s not entirely relevant, but I retain the right to document whatever I choose. And I also opt to repress any creepy subtext.) Judging from the way his eyes popped out and kept darting in every direction, our alley conversation was too dangerous to continue. He begged me to meet him at the front register, with Tatiana bearing witness. And then, with sweat already painting his brow, he said, “Wait ten minutes” and then ran around to the front.

Ten minutes. I looked at my watch. 11:40. I walked to my car and drove away. You know that expression, You just can’t pay me enough? I decided to start the weekend early.

KEN’S JOURNAL (via BlackBerry):
THE BOSS IS AWAY TODAY. THANK GOD. THE BASTARD SCORED TIX TO THE CANADA-SLOVAKIA GAME & DECIDED, W/ALL THE STRESS I’D CAUSED HIM, HE DESERVED A 3-DAY WEEKEND. I SHLD BE THE OFFICE HERO, BUT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN COOL TO ME ALL WEEK. WHILE I’M THE TARGET OF THE BOSS’ WRATH, HE HAS A TENDENCY TO LET HIS IRE SPILL OVER. WON’T MISS HIM ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE.

CONVINCED RAJ TO GO TO LUNCH W/ME. SAID HE WAS GOING TO STAY IN & ENJOY HIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH SO I HAD TO OFFER TO TREAT HIM AT THE IRISH HEATHER. HE’S A CHEAP MF, BUT HE’S FREAKIN’ AMAZING W/REAL ESTATE. NEED TO LURE HIM TO JOINING MARTY & ME WHEN WE START THE NEW VENTURE.

IMMEDIATELY HE STARTED TO FREAK AS I MENTIONED THE POSSIBILITY OF BREAKING OUT ON OUR OWN. “BUT I’VE GOT A WIFE & TWO KIDS…” COME ON, DUDE. HAVE SOME GUTS. ENJOY MORE CONTROL. HELP YOUR FAMILY GET MORE OF WHAT IT DESERVES. MY PITCH SLOWLY STARTED TO WORK. (I THINK THE GUINNESS HELPED!) I HAVE NO DOUBT HE’LL HAVE A PANIC ATTACK AS HE TALKS IT OVER W/THE WIFE ON THE WEEKEND, BUT I’LL KEEP PUSHING. THERE ARE PLENTY OF PUBS IN THE AREA. I’LL CLOSE THE DEAL.