BUMP IN THE NIGHT

LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): You are drawing amazing people your way, even if you can’t quite see them yet. Keep your eyes open and make sure that you are ready for anyone who comes by looking for a good time.

Laura’s Log:
Drinks at the Yaletown Brewery after work today. Tamara insisted. She wanted Nadia to meet Todd and insisted that I come along to see Todd in a different light. “He’s much more relaxed outside of work.” Look out! One of Todd’s problems was he was TOO relaxed at work. Actually greeted Barry Lisduff this morning with “Gotta lay off the bagels, man. Seriously, man, have you ever tried grapefruit?” Not acceptable intern-to-partner conversation. Poor Barry refused to even make an appearance for the Friday goodies break. Homemade Bailey’s chocolate chunk cheesecake courtesy of Duncan who worked for two years as a pastry chef in Chicago. Save the grapefruit for when Todd shows up with a bag of Nilla Wafers.

Didn’t surprise me that Bradley and Todd hit it off instantly. Bradley caught Lady Gaga on a TV screen and said, “So do you think she shaves down there or went perma-bare with electrolysis?” Nadia’s face reddened, but she failed to rein in her adorable beau and Todd offered encouragement with a hearty guffaw. The two of them chatted about pubic hair for the next five minutes. What better way to get to know someone new?

Things got worse when Todd’s friend Spence “unexpectedly” showed up. The guy started chatting me up with lines like, “So why haven’t we had a one-night stand yet?” Bigger ass than Todd? When Spence announced he was “goin’ for a piss”, Todd confessed, “I’m throwing you a boner here, Laura. I haven’t measured or nothin’, but Spence’s ex always said he was born with a gift if you know what I mean.”

I used Tupper as my exit card. “Weak bladder,” I said.

“There’s always Depends,” joked Todd. Spence and Bradley hooted in approval. Neither Tamara nor Nadia dared make eye contact with me. Not sure if they were more embarrassed for me or for themselves.

On the way to the door, I bumped right into What’s His Name, the creepy grinner Carl(a) had a meeting with a few weeks back at Bean Around the World. In smashing into him, I managed to spill his beer all over his shirt. “I’m so sorry. Let me buy you another.”

Maybe he sensed my urgency in leaving. He brushed off the offer and the suds. “No worries. I have a habit of spilling. Just not usually this early.” He looked goofy, almost sweet. Maybe he wasn’t creepy. Of course, after an hour with Larry, Curly and Moe, it was the perfect time for any lesser buffoon to shine. I apologized again and he insisted I go. The grin never left his face. Must be some meds.

KEN’S JOURNAL:
WHY AM I SUCH A PUTZ? RAN INTO CARL’S FRIEND LAURA AGAIN. LITERALLY. SPILLED BEER ALL OVER MYSELF. MAYBE IT WAS A SIGN THAT I SHLD BE CELEBRATING LOSING 11 LBS WITH CLUB SODA INSTEAD OF A BREWSKY. I’D LIKE TO THINK IT WAS A MORE ENCOURAGING SIGN. I WAS GETTING ANOTHER CHANCE @ MAKING A GOOD IMPRESSION W/HER. OK, THE SPILLAGE WASN’T A GOOD WAY TO GET NOTICED, BUT SOMEHOW IT WORKED. SHE BLAMED HERSELF, SEEMED MORTIFIED.

I JUST STOOD THERE & GRINNED. IT WAS THE PERFECT TIME TO ASK HER OUT. MAYBE IT WLD BE A PITY DATE, BUT GOTTA GET THAT FOOT IN THE DOOR SOMEHOW. NO WAY SHE’D’VE SAID NO. SPILL A GUY’S DRINK ALL OVER HIM & THEN REJECT HIM?! SHE CLDN’T BE THAT COLD, CLD SHE?

COURSE, I’LL NEVER KNOW. STILL GRINNING, I WAVED LIKE THE QUEEN AS SHE FLED.

YOU CAN BET I DIDN’T SPILL A DROP OF THE NEXT 4 BEERS.