SHOP ’TIL YOU DROP

LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): Your mental energy is riding high today, and you’re almost certainly able to hatch a few new schemes or dream up new inspiration for a part of your life that has been flagging somewhat lately.

Laura’s Log:
Katherine checked in today, a first since Gabriel and I went our separate ways. “What happened?” she asked. “You both seemed so happy.”

“Can we just not do anything to awaken the dead? I’m trying to move forward.”

She quoted Dr. Phil: “And how’s that workin’ for ya?”

“Can I just take a pass? Please?”

“Fine. I can do denial. It just takes a credit card and a yearning for a new outfit…or three. You in?”

She didn’t need to ask. Forty-five minutes later, we were in her car and headed for the border. I despise shopping at factory outlets, but Katherine has an uncanny ability to find that rare item that was unjustly overlooked in being relegated to the reject market. We both went wild at the lululemon store in Burlington. My personal debt was increased by two hoodies, three pants, and four bras. For now, I can feel the rush. My statement won’t come for a month.

What I love about Katherine is she’s so spontaneous. Someone at the Gap outlet mentioned a tulip festival and, just like that, we decided to stay the night. Had to buy more clothes to stay over, but is that so bad? Called Mom and she agreed to round up Tupper for the night. (As she was doing me a favor, I tried not to hang up as she rambled about being inconvenienced and underappreciated. Fifteen minutes later, I feigned a dying cell phone.) Katherine and I got a terribly dated hotel room in Mount Vernon and then headed for the tulip fields. Although showers came intermittently, cyclists and drivers were out in hordes. Katherine conned me into a helicopter ride to get away from the crowds and view the fields from on high. More credit card damage, but worth it. Even on an overcast day, the fields of tulips packed a punch of color. Somehow I managed not to let my nerves show on my first flight in a chopper.

Totally inspiring day. Just what I needed. It’s selfish, but I hope Katherine stays single for as long as I’m in the same state. So tired of my girlfriends hooking up with asshole boyfriends.

KEN’S JOURNAL:
’NUCKS NITE. THE REST OF THE DAY IS JUST PUTTING IN TIME.

AFTER FAILING TO MAKE MUCH OF AN IMPRESSION WITH LAURA YESTERDAY, I DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO BUY SOME NEW CLOTHES TODAY. (EASIER THAN TRYING TO UPDATE MY PERSONALITY.) STILL HAVE SOME LBS TO LOSE, BUT MAYBE A COUPLE OF PAIRS OF TIGHT PANTS ARE WHAT I NEED TO MOTIVATE ME TO TAKE OFF THAT LAST BIT OF WEIGHT.

I HATE SHOPPING. FOR GROCERIES, FOR CONDOS AND MOST ESPECIALLY FOR CLOTHES. I HATE WHEN THE SALES PEOPLE SWOOP IN ON ME AND I HATE WHEN THEY IGNORE ME. THE MALLS JUST MAKE ME WANT TO RUN BACK TO MY CAR SO I HEADED TO KERRISDALE TO SHOP AT HILLS. STILL HAD A HARD TIME. THE STUFF RUNS THE GAMUT FROM TOO TRENDY TO TOO CONSERVATIVE. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NAVIGATE THROUGH THE TABLES AND RACKS AND FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING TO FLATTER A MID-THIRTIES GUY WITH A GUT THAT MIGHT NOT EVER GO COMPLETELY AWAY? (HEY, GOTTA KEEP IT REAL.) MUST’VE TRIED ON FIFTEEN SHIRTS. CAN’T SAY ANY OF THEM LOOKED SO GREAT ON ME. WHO’S TO BLAME—THE CLOTHING DESIGNERS OR MY BODY’S DESIGN? PICKED OUT A NAVY PULLOVER SWEATER (DEFINITELY CONSERVATIVE) AND A DARK GREEN TEE W/BLACKBIRDS INEXPLICABLY FLAPPING ALL OVER THE FRONT—EITHER TOO TRENDY OR PLAIN HIDEOUS. (WENDY, THE EVER-PATIENT SALES ASSOCIATE, SAID IT WAS A HOT ITEM. WHATEVER. DECIDED TO TAKE IT JUST SO I COULD GO HOME SOONER.) MANAGED TO STICK AROUND LONG ENUF TO ADD A PAIR OF JEANS TO THE TALLY.

SHOPPING ORDEAL DONE. CANUCKS NEED A WIN TO HELP SALVAGE THE DAY.