LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): Your mood is lower than it has been in a while, most likely, but you can tell for sure that you’re on the rebound. Don’t let yourself worry about the future — that doesn’t help anyone!
If a four-day weekend is supposed to be restorative, why do I feel so exhausted starting out a shortened work week? Not a good position for a newbie.
Like a pit bull sensing fear, Derrick dropped a two page memo on my desk asking me to compile a video research file on commercials, online ads and print material for all Canadian amusements targeting families. That’s right, ALL. How’s that for setting me up for failure? He’s probably got a few choice obscure events on his list, ready to call for my immediate dismissal should I miss one.
To be sure, Derrick would need extensive background material about what appeals to families since I can’t imagine him wanting to be in yelling distance of children, much less having a clue how to relate to them. But will he try to have me axed for omitting the Delhi Ontario Tobacco Museum and Heritage Centre or the Creemore Springs Brewery? Free samples! Get the kids on the right track! (Something tells me I might have grounds for wrongful dismissal.)
The task is excessively broad and the deadline (4:30 Thursday) completely unrealistic. I should run the task by Barry but I may need him to intervene for one of the next morale-crushing assignments Derrick gifts me (assuming I get through this one).
Must get to it. Dinosaurs, log rides and bears, oh my!
I feel a migraine coming on.
GOT A 9 A.M. APPOINTMENT WITH BRAD TEMPLETON. HIS FIRST OF THE DAY! FIGURED HE’D BE FRESH TO HEAR ABOUT MY CLARA SETBACK OVER EASTER. UNFORTUNATELY, HE SEEMED TO BE GOING THROUGH CHOCOLATE WITHDRAWAL. I SWEAR HE NODDED OFF AT ONE POINT WHEN I WAS MIDWAY THROUGH EXPLAINING THE SIGNIFICANCE OF MY DREAM ABOUT CLARA, THE PIRATE SHIP AND HER REPEATEDLY MAKING ME WALK THE PLANK.
OK, YES, I DID DOWNLOAD “PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN” LAST NIGHT, BUT I SWEAR THAT DREAM REPRESENTED HER ONGOING CRUSADE TO EMASCULATE ME. AFTER I HOLLERED FOR HIM TO WAKE UP—HE DENIED NAPPING (“I WAS JUST CLOSING MY EYES AND CONTEMPLATING A POINT YOU WERE MAKING”)—HE PRETENDED TO LISTEN FOR ANOTHER COUPLE OF MINUTES B/F INTERRUPTING WITH A YAWN AND “WHY DON’T WE MOVE ON? SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR WAKING HOURS.”
ARE YOU EFFIN’ KIDDING ME?! DREAMS ARE THE STUFF THERAPISTS LIVE OFF! SUBCONSCIOUS MANIFESTATIONS, REPRESSED EXPERIENCES, LATENT SEXUAL UNDERPINNINGS. AND HE WAS ASKING ME TO SKIP IT!
MAYBE MY DREAM WAS REALLY JUST ABOUT MY THINKING IT’D BE COOL TO HANG OUT IN A BAR WITH JOHNNY DEPP. MAYBE IT WASN’T REALLY CLARA IN MY DREAM BUT KEIRA KNIGHTLEY ESSENTIALLY SAYING I WAS OUT OF HER LEAGUE. BUT MY THERAPIST OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD LET ME GO WITH IT.
NOW I’M REALLY DEPRESSED. I CAN’T EVEN PAY PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO ME!