LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): Your head is full of conflicting ideas and opinions early today, which isn’t much fun — but the afternoon brings a new clarity. You may want to get your people to try for consensus one last time.
I was invited into a team meeting on a new campaign this morning. An honor, according to Tamara (who, by the way, is talking to me again, having gotten over my weekend escapade with Katherine—things still unresolved with Nadia). I get it. I’m the lowly new assistant. I should be grateful to be included even if my role was simply to record every brainstormed idea, good, bad or completely off topic.
I just wish my first team meeting involved something more exciting than toilet paper. Things began with an attack on the animated commercials with the bear and quickly went down Memory Lane with Mr. Whipple. YouTube has its purpose in advertising, but it can be just as much of a distracter as Facebook. Under the “off topic” column, I had to note the group’s viewing of Crystal Bowersox’s “People Get Ready” performance on Idol last night. Sure, she’s good, but I had things to take care of at my desk—paper clips to untangle and all.
They sent me to London Drugs to pick up samples of all the leading toilet paper brands, including that of our client. At the checkout, I must have looked like either the world’s oldest high school student getting ready to TP all my friends’ yards or a sad woman with a severe diarrhea problem. Yea, team. Thanks for that.
Back in the meeting room, they sniffed, squeezed and unraveled roll after roll and got into an intense argument about how direct you could be about TP residue on arses in an ad campaign. Shortly after someone said, “Just shave your ass and the problem’s gone” the meeting devolved into a discussion about manscaping before petering out altogether. I was thrilled to return to my desk area—right after I cleaned up the TP, including the mess left from when Cal and Warren decided to mummify Lenny. They give out college degrees to easily these days.
When they decided to reconvene after lunch, I tried my best to get out of attending. Turns out team players can’t defect. They fell into a conversation about symbols of softness: bunnies, cotton balls, Lenny’s belly. That last idea was my cue to jump in. “Guys, the softness thing has been done to death. I’m sorry, dearly departed Mr. Whipple, but nobody squeezes toilet paper in the grocery store. People EXPECT it to be soft. Find something else to make the product stand out.”
Silence. People stared at me. I’d spoken when I wasn’t supposed to. And then Lenny (of all people) said, “Laura’s got a point.” Validation. Sure, Lenny was probably just tired of being the target of sophomoric jokes and pranks, but it was good enough for me.
5:30 A.M. & I WAS WIDE AWAKE. SHOULD I GO FOR A JOG? YEAH, WEDNESDAYS ARE MY RUNNING GROUP EVENING, BUT I DIDN’T FEEL LIKE PART OF THE GROUP DURING THE LAST SESSION. I LOATHE LOGAN.
I GOT UP, PUT ON SHORTS & A T-SHIRT, STARTED TO STRETCH. BIGGEST STRETCH CAME FROM MY MOUTH. ALL THAT YAWNING AND I DECIDED TO GO BACK TO BED. I’D FACE THE LADIES (AND LOGAN) AFTER ALL.
SURE ENOUGH, HE SHOWED AGAIN. HOW COULD HE NOT AFTER A HAREM FAWNING OVER HIM LAST WEEK? ONE OF THE MELISSAS ACKNOWLEDGED ME WHEN I ARRIVED, EVEN ASKED IF I HAD DECIDED ON THE SUN RUN. TRUTHFULLY, I WASN’T PLANNING ON SIGNING UP BUT SHE ROPED ME INTO PAYING AND BEING PART OF “OUR” TEAM. ANYTHING JUST TO FEEL PART OF THE CONVERSATION.
GOD, THEY PUBLISH YOUR RESULTS IN THE PAPER, DON’T THEY? AH, WHY WORRY? WHO DO I KNOW THAT WLD BOTHER TO LOOK UP MY NAME?