LIBRA HOROSCOPE (from astrology.com): Business matters are on your mind right now, even if you’re not in business yourself. It’s a good time to start one, or to form a partnership to explore such possibilities. You can launch almost anything now!
It goes without saying, but working (temporarily) in a funeral home is a strange experience. After Monday’s unpredictable service, yesterday was a letdown. This morning, I feel blah about even showing up. My number one role is answering the phone and answering “When is the viewing for Insert Deceased’s Name?” A woman yesterday afternoon was upset about a 5-7 p.m. viewing and wanted me to see about extending things until 8 so she could still make her yoga class. I didn’t ask her relationship to the dead guy. My gut told me her response would have been “daughter”.
I really need a new job, something that might go somewhere, something more permanent, something that will actually cover the rent, my lattés and the occasional purchase from Holt Renfrew. While losing interest in Katie Stevens’ performance on “Idol” last night, I began my well-earned whine about my employment situation. Tamara owes me for all the hand holding I’ve had to do for her in the last few weeks. (Nadia owes me for years of bitching about frizzy hair. And that’s just for starters!) So after the tepid reviews over Katharine McPhee 2.0 (to be clear, not meant as a compliment) from the judges, Tamara quietly said, “They’re looking for an advertising assistant at my firm.” Quietly, like she hoped I wouldn’t really hear her. WTF?
Thankfully, Nadia took up the cause. “That’s great! Laura, you’d be so great in advertising! Don’t you think, Tamara?”
At which point Tamara was slow-motion chewing a baby carrot, having cleared the Why Didn’t You Tell Me hurdle and now facing the much more daunting Why Don’t You Want to Work with Me barrier. In the time it took her to eat that mini carrot stick, she could have downed an entire jar of peanut butter and a jumbo package of Twizzlers.
“Is it just me or does it seem like ‘Glee’ hasn’t been on in like a decade?” Tamara said in a blatant topic switcheroo after washing down that pesky veggie stick with a generous swig of Chablis.
Leave it to Nadia to clarify matters. “So by your ‘Glee’ comment, what you’re really saying is there is a position at your firm but you don’t want Laura to apply.” Ballsy. (I suddenly remembered why I’d put up with all those years of frizzy hair whining.)
Tamara lamely attempted to laugh it off. “Don’t be ridiculous. As usual, you don’t know what the hell you’re saying, Nadia.”
It was about to turn into a classic Tamara-Nadia feud and I didn’t want to spend the next month being the go-between. I grew a pair and said, “Actually, I was thinking the same thing as Nadia.”
Tamara sighed, waved her arms as if to surrender and said, “Go ahead, apply. See if I care.”
“’See if I care’? Wow. Not exactly an endorsement. Guess I shouldn’t put you down as a reference.”
“Oh, come on. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just—”
“It’s just that I’d like you to leave.” I stared directly at Tamara—her chin more than her eyes, but semi-ballsy, maybe one testicle removed—and crossed my arms, holding firm.
Tamara looked to Nadia for support. Nothing doing. Then Tamara pleaded. “‘Idol’ isn’t even over. If I leave I’ll miss some of the performances.”
“Catch up at the water cooler tomorrow. At your elitist ad firm.” And, with the adrenaline flowing, I grabbed the bowl of carrots and thrust it at her. “Take this for the road. Something to chew on. You can keep the bowl.”
At that point we didn’t yet know which contestant was going home, but it was clear which friend was getting the boot.
KEN’S JOURNAL (via BlackBerry):
LAST NITE’S CONDO VIEWINGS IN EAST VAN PROVED AS EXCITING AS THE CANUCKS’ PLAY VS. THE ISLANDERS. NOT WORTH CHECKING OUT.
“IT’S JUST THE BEGINNING,” MARTY REMINDED ME. THE BEGINNING OF A WHOLE LOT MORE OF THE SAME, I FEAR.
7 A.M. BREAKFAST MTG W/THE BOSS & A CLIENT. HOW CAN ANYONE THINK CLEARLY ABOUT A DEVELOPMENT DEAL @ THAT HOUR? THE MTG WAS ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY. AS USUAL, THE BOSS DOMINATED THE CONVERSATION, GIVING HIS TAKE ON TIGER WOODS’ COMEBACK PROSPECTS ALL THRU THE MEAL. ONLY THREW IN A 5 MIN CHAT ABOUT THE DEVELOPMENT WHEN THE BILL CAME. A WAY TO MAKE SURE IT’S A BUSINESS EXPENSE. (PERSONALLY, I THINK THE WIFE BOOTS HIM OUT AT 6 EACH MORNING & HE’S JUST DESPERATE TO SOCIALIZE. COMPEL FOLKS TO A BUSINESS-LITE BREAKFAST. YEP, THAT’LL WIN YA FRIENDS. AND THE DEAL.)
IT JUST ADDS TO THE PRESSURE OF FINDING A NEW PLACE ASAP. THE SOONER I CAN SIGN ALL THE PAPERS, THE SOONER I CAN GIVE MY NOTICE, BECOME BLISSFULLY IGNORANT OF ALL THINGS GOLF & START BEING MY OWN BOSS.
ONE THING’S FOR SURE. I WON’T BE SCHEDULING ANY EFFIN’ 7 A.M. EGGS BENNY GABFESTS.